my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
