I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
