We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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