hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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