She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
