Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
