I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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