YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
