I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
