never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
