This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
