WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How's work?
Spinning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
