I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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