Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
