HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
