If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
