I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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