I think my vagina is haunted
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
