I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
