it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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