They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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