someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
