I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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