Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
