you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's Friday. Sex?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
