I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Non-Jews are for practice
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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