billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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