I think my fart just growled at me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
