Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
