i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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