i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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