I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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