Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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