look no pants
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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