for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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