So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
