I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
