i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
