i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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