Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
