It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
