Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
