So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
