I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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