I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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