can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
