I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
