I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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