He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
