nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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