Umm I'm too high to move.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
