I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
