i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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