did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
