Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize